Nov 6, 2012

A Chronicle of Limits, Part 12


The following is the final entry in a series concerning my experience with the Pacific Crest Trail. The previous eleven parts can be found via the “Blog Archive” down amidst the right-hand column. Thank you for sharing this part of the journey with me.


26 June: Tuesday
16:23
I have left the wilderness.

A lumberyard employee, Ben, with his infant son picked me up at Sonora Pass. Ben dropped me off at Kennedy Meadows Campground where I was able to access a pay phone and finally update Mama & Papa. What a blessed support they are.

I hiked out of the campground back to Highway 108 where an elderly couple, their son, and grandson eventually picked me up in a red pickup truck. They dropped me off at Dardanelle, but not before I learned of their Montana origins. As soon as I was out of the truck and ready to stick my thumb out again, I was waved across the street to enjoy a drink and apple with Jesse, a Mexican from Walnut Creek who is supporting a local PG&E project. So far, everyone up in these mountains seems to be interested in fishing and vaguely familiar with the PCT. Jesse’s hospitality was encouraging, exactly what I hope for in my travels. When the PG&E superintendent arrived, I thanked Jesse, shook his hand, and returned to the roadside.

This time it took a while longer. I can only imagine my impression on people swiftly passing by. Sadly, this is not the era of Jack Kerouac’s On the Road. “There are too many assholes,” Mark, my next driver angel, would say. He actually passed me at first, but then decided that he had the space and that I looked harmless enough. He had just concluded a welding job for the Forest Service at a local vista point. He graciously drove me to the town of Sonora in his cramped, dirty, red SUV. I was very grateful.

Mark was interesting to converse with. A hippie who had hitchhiked across America in the early 1970’s, he talked about acid, music concerts, including seeing Jimi Hendrix and Santana—the latter of whom, in his musical prologue years, allegedly played at Mark’s junior high dances—being brought up not playing catch with his father, but rather joining him in mountain adventures, and dreaming of living in Sonora with his own horses on a small ranch. One anecdote involved a trip to nearby Leavitt Lake where Mark, his two brothers, and father survived an unprecedented September snow storm by breaking into a friend’s truck. Wearing running shoes, Mark and his youngest brother got frostbite and were out of school six months while their feet healed.

In all, we talked about life.

What else is there to discuss?

It is lovely.

* * *

Footnote

Mama & Papa picked me up in Sonora, to which we drove back to San Jose.

It was not just the loneliness that led me to depart the PCT—that certainly affected my will—there were physical reasons. The heels of my feet were in bad shape, but would not have been too worrisome if I had not run out of band-aids. (Note: Do not underestimate the amount of band-aids necessary to protect feet during the first few weeks of heavy backpacking.) It was the backpacking diet that could not sustain me. There is much that I still need to learn in that regard.

Though this particular account is concluded, the story of my Pacific Crest Trail journey is not. While I would only consider a second attempt at thru-hiking the PCT if accompanied by at least one other person, I will certainly continue to “section hike” the PCT as opportunity allows. God willing, I will have a lifetime to do so. There is no hurry anymore.

I too often try to consume something quickly when it is sometimes best to partake in slower smaller bites. It is like being offered a succulent meal, where each small bite can be delicious and meaningful; but where instead I systematically devour it like a factory machine. Why? While I would certainly still benefit from caloric and even some flavor of the meal, having eaten it in fifteen minutes; why not allow its same gifts to be multiplied by an hour of enjoyment, including the blessedness of fellowship around the table? To me, the PCT is a holistic feast. There is so much to enjoy. Like people. Like God. I usually strive to not succumb to the cultural trend of “sound bite” digestion. We cannot really know someone or even most things well in such a rushed “productive” fashion. Relationship takes commitment, endurance, and perhaps above all, shared experience that can only be attained with repetition across time. Sometimes it even requires quiet. We generally cannot know all the answers after only one encounter. If we are honest, we generally cannot ever fully know—at least in this life. But we can be dedicated to a life of knowing: of trying to appreciate and to understand. That is not to say that we cannot know an aspect of something in a short while. Those respected few who have completed the PCT in one season have not necessarily experienced the journey in a lesser way than those who complete the PCT in sections across many seasons. They are different albeit equally worthy approaches. Even section hiking the PCT is limited in terms of really knowing the famous national trail. There are different ways to emphasize a subject. One of the most repeated and important truths about hiking the PCT is that it must be done in a way that is meaningful to the participant. There are different ways to get to know someone or something.

I have learned much from the PCT. I trust that I will continue to learn. Though I did not successfully thru-hike the PCT this summer, perhaps I have gained and been able to give so much more. The adventure is not finished. There are still many blank pages waiting for meaning.

Soli deo gloria. Amen.

Nov 5, 2012

A Chronicle of Limits, Part 11


Chapter 7:
FAREWELL TO YOSEMITE

24 June: Sunday—Falls Creek
20:57
Today, I pressed on past Wilma Lake in hopes of avoiding its plague of mosquitoes. I found a lovely breezy spot here on the rocky terrain adjacent to Falls Creek. Unfortunately, the wind stopped halfway through supper—despite my pleas. Therefore, this has become the worst spot that I have camped at so far with regards to mosquito activity. Bastards. Hordes. They infest everything. Though my face was the only flesh exposed—and reinforced by some mosquito repellent—the mosquitoes swarmed ferociously. I am surprised that I did not accidentally eat more of them than I did. They would just follow me around like a herd of demonic sheep. In the end, I decided to dash for my tent, crouch in the vestibule, close it swiftly, and practically dive into the main body. Surprisingly, only one mosquito made it into the tent. Naturally, it did not live long. I am thankful for my shelter, and the sluggishness of these Yosemite mosquitoes. But they are still bastards.

I have not yet been able to have consistent enough cell phone coverage to call family about my desire to leave the trail at Sonora Pass. Maybe tomorrow at Dorothy Pass—my gateway out of Yosemite National Park—will be different. If not, hopefully Sonora Pass. Either way, I may try to hitchhike west to get closer to San Jose—or to cell phone coverage, if need be. It has been a troublesome business. I should have sent a message with the ranger, Lisa, before leaving Benson Pass. According to my trail map, there is supposed to be a ranger station west of Wilma Lake, but I could not find it. My effort to scale a high rocky pinnacle at Macomb Pass also proved unproductive. Alas, the adventure continues. I am so tired. . . .

“Uphold my steps in Your paths, that my footsteps may not slip.” Psalm 17:5

“You have tested my heart; You have visited me in the night; You have tried me and found [loneliness, rage, brokenness, frustration . . . weakness]” (Psalm 17:3). What am I to do with these? I am still alone. I still have anger inside me, bent toward my weaknesses—myself. I am still a broken being. . . . Yet Jesus mends. There is hope in that. But how am I to proceed with these thorns digging into my resolve? Where do I belong? I am no hardcore backpacker—at least not solo. I am no PCT thru-hiker. I am a writer, a musician, a runner. I do love nature, but apparently it is too vast for me alone. I have realized that I am most excited about sharing it, even if only through photography. Yet what do I receive from being in nature, aside from learning to endure and adapt to its challenges? Granted, those are worthy gains. Perhaps they are enough. . . . No, there is more. There is life. There can be peace. Perspective: of God, of my smallness—of how little I control. There are limits. There is life. There is rest. Praise God. Amen.

25 June: Monday—Kennedy Canyon Creek
19:43
“I will love you, O Lord, my strength.” Psalm 18: 1-6, 30-31, 36

I pressed on 21 miles today to camp amidst a sizeable contingent of PCT thru-hikers. Most of them are familiar with each other—a curious and delightful band consisting of Last Minute, Stride, Pace, John T., Tortuga, Runaway Bride, Greg, and Albert, to name a few. I am thankful to spend my last night on the trail with such people. They are my greatest regret in not thru-hiking, in not having that sense of belonging. But I do not belong, not permanently at least. I glimpse one world to tell of it to others. I am a messenger, a chronicler.

We are all setting out for Sonora Pass tomorrow. I have still been unable to contact Mama & Papa. Many of my neighbors are hitchhiking east to Bridgeport to re-supply or for other endeavors. Sonora is further by comparison. Likely, being the only one going in that direction, I will have success with regards to hitching a ride.

Until then, it is colder here than anywhere else that I have been these last eleven days—and very windy. The 10,000ft+ ridgeline trail tomorrow is said to be worse: 60 mph winds—nothing unusual, considering my experiences with Colorado. I intend to wake up at 5:00 for a good start. Some of the thru-hikers may actually begin at 4:45. Either way, it will certainly be cold. Meanwhile, Yosemite is behind us. We are in Hoover Wilderness, which looks quite different: more arid and volcanic. It is fascinating how abruptly the terrain can change. Life can be like that.

* * *

22:23
My heart often races as I lie awake at night in the wilderness. Is it from fear? Perhaps. More likely it is an acute awareness of life, of a large world—a significant presence. It is God. It is His handiwork.

“The heavens declare the glory of God; and the firmament shows His handiwork. Day unto day utters speech, and night unto night reveals knowledge.” Psalm 19:1-2

What truth do you speak, mighty winds of Kennedy Canyon? There is so much power beyond me. What am I to do under and within its swooping voice, its gushing breath? I am so small. I am a guest here. Speak to me, YHWH. I wish to listen. Show me your ways. Soften my heart. Lead me to where I belong.

“Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in Your sight, O Lord, my strength and my Redeemer.” Psalm 19:4