Feet of a Runner, Part I

Echoes of the Past

The following is Part I in a trilogy of posts concerning my recent experience on the Pacific Crest Trail (PCT). Each part has been adapted from journal entries written in the wild. The date and time listed are when the journal entry was originally written. To read my previous series about the PCT, "A Chronicle of Limits", start here.

7 July, 2014: Monday

21:10

I had strange dreams last night.

In part of one dream, I wandered through a large church, vague and yet also familiar, that I could not seem to leave. A student in a wheel chair approached me expectantly at one point. We apparently knew each other as friends, but I did not recognize him. He left me in the middle of our conversation—left me feeling dejected. I am not sure why.

I woke from this feeling very troubled. My mind meandered and my eyes had trouble focusing as I sat up to sharpen my senses. I prayed for peace and clarity of thought. What to make of it all? Inconclusive in that morning stupor, I instead sought to shift my attention to final preparations for setting out on what would be a three-and-a-half-day journey along Section K of the PCT, what I have often called "the Tahoe Section". It was an unsettling mood to begin with, but I found hope in the fact that I would not be hiking alone. My friend, Nathan Martin, was joining me for the adventure. We had completed final preparations the night before. It was time to begin. 

It is hard to believe that it has been two years since I was on the PCT. At 8:00, Aunt Minja and  my six-year-old cousin Daniel, drove Nathan and I up Highway 50 out of South Tahoe to Echo Lake Resort, which is the official start of this 64-mile section. It was surreal to be back, or at least to a place that I have thought about often.

Nathan and I had a slightly delayed start due to a leaky water bladder in his backpack, as well as my waiting for the bathroom to be cleaned so that I could relieve my previous night's efforts to be well hydrated. (There may have been some nervous energy in the mix as well.) Waiting by the restroom, I felt the humility of a new recruit as I observed a group of PCT thru-hikers lounging outside the Echo Chalet. I am not part of that rare community, I remembered, though I still long to be. I am somewhat surprised to have seen none of them today during our hike.

Nathan and I set off at a good pace at approximately 9:00.

It was not long, however, before his stomach started to bother him. This would be the theme of the day. We had a reasonable 13.3 miles planned. We reached beautiful Lake Aloha at 11:55, averaging a solid 3 miles per hour. Being encouraged by such progress, we stopped for a restful hour-long lunch. Bare feet were included—do not underestimate the enlivening affect of taking off one's shoes and socks to let the feet breath.

Unfortunately, Nathan's condition worsened as the day progressed. The traditional beauty of high sierra lakes like Heather, Susie, and Gilmore did not improve his situation.

Note: I have concluded that the Sierra Nevada Mountains of California are more stunning than the Rocky Mountains in Colorado. The Sierra Nevada's just seem to offer greater ecological diversity, especially considering its granite pinnacles, bountiful lakes and cascading waterfalls. I will always love the Rocky Mountains. It is just that the Sierra Nevada's have wooed me considerably.

The mosquitoes were bad in areas, but not terrible. Wishing to get a head start on the final 2-mile ascent to Dick's Pass, Nathan left me at Gilmore Lake to finish filtering and building our water stores. Though the pests were persistent, the general mood was light. A few day hiking groups passed by. I was surprised how their presence actually added to my slightly discouraged, lonely mood. I was discouraged because Nathan was likely not going to make it. I was lonely at the prospect of continuing on alone, and because of the memorable impact these kind of adventures have on couples, of which there were a few to be seen that day.

Presuming Dick's Pass to be dry (i.e. without any water source), and cautious of both Nathan and my inability to quench our thirst that day, I added an additional liter of unfiltered water to my pack. That gave me three liters to work with, though presumably a half liter would be consumed during the final ascent. Some rangers that we had come across earlier mentioned that there would be snow on the pass, but I wanted to be sure to have enough to drink our fill. Water is greater than gold out here.

The ascent to Dick's Pass offered grand views of the land we had just traversed. Gradually, we reached the top. Seeing no good spots for camping, however, I decided to leave my pack in order to scout the trail ahead. A quarter mile revealed that the true pass was actually not where our National Geographic maps indicated, but rather up the remaining 400 meters of ascent from what was apparently just a saddle. There was a trail post officially marking the location as Dick's Pass. Very tired, I managed to jog back down to my pack as well as Nathan who had just caught up—he had to take frequent breaks to keep his tense stomach in check.

Setting up camp, no longer needing to wear our packs, improved our spirits—or at least mine. The views from both sides of the pass are phenomenal. This is one of the best campsites that I have ever witnessed. At 9300ft, it is also the highest point of this PCT section. The northern landscape stretches out before us. Patches of snow offer an additional source of water, not to mention a frigid, but refreshing "bath" (i.e. scrub down). Mercifully, it has been cloudy most of the day. The sun did shine through enough to provide more inspiring views, but alas the sunset was rather anticlimactic.

Nathan is still not sure if he can continue hiking the trail. How he feels in the morning will decide. He did manage to eat something for dinner, but not much. Ultimately, if he needs to retreat, we have decided that Eagle Lake to Emerald Bay will be faster than backtracking to Gilmore Lake and then east around Mount Tallac down to Fallen Leaf Lake.

o take frequent breaks.  location. Very tired, I managed to jog back down to my pack and Nathan who had caught up--he God, may he awake fully refreshed tomorrow. We have a 21-mile day ahead, fortunately mostly a descent, but still . . . I hope the sunrise is glorious. I hope that we can both finish this section well.

Meanwhile, the wind stirs. Some raindrops fall. Trees hush the growl of the plane passing overhead. I am at peace. I am at home. Hallelujah.

To bed.

Read Part II

Talking about Romance

The following is from a recent conversation between a young man and woman who I will refer to as “She” and “He”: 

She
I think we live in a very confusing time. Clear gender roles and communication patters seem to no longer exist. Layer that with scars and emotional defenses, it is hard!

He
Where are you at with Friendlationships?

She
Um, I don't know . . . Chapter 4? I am assuming you mean the book, not my actual life; because with that, I would say I am stuck with being honest. Isn't that like pre chapter one?

He
Stuck with honest?

She
Well, not honest, but actually telling people you like them. That's harder to do than to read in my experience.

He
Ah yes.

She
Oh adulthood, why are you so full of hard conversations, taxes, and late nights working? I thought you would be all about driving and vacations and having things more together!

He
Or at least more directness in communication. But nope . . . just as complicated, if not more so.

She
Thank you. SO true. And I thought I would have less fear of rejection. Now more feels to be on the line.

He
Do you think that someone's fear of rejection could be a cause for keeping someone she is actually interested in at a distance?

She
It could be, yes.

He
Would that be common or rarer in your opinion?

She
I am not sure. I think there are several factors that play into it. For example, does this person have a background in church teaching that strongly promotes that a guy should be the initiator and that flirting is never good. If so, a woman might be more hesitant and distant. Or does one have a history that would make them think they aren't worthy or good enough? Or are they a risk taker in general? Because if a person avoids risk and tends toward certainty in other areas of their life, they would avoid expressing their interest even if they are interested. Or does this person have a history of choosing the wrong type of person? Then they may not trust their gut about liking someone. So, I am not sure if it generally leans one way or the other. What do you think?

He
Very wise thoughts. It seems aligned with what I would surmise about women, in particular, though not necessarily limited to women only. In my experience, men seem to often struggle with courage in light of potential rejection - or more lately the will to commit, which is really just a kind of advanced fear in terms of the aforementioned.

She
What can women do to "leave the door open", so to speak, for men who may be interested? I have always been curious how a woman can make a man feel comfortable. Interestingly, having watched my friends in this process, when a guy was really interested, he really just stepped up.

He
Yeah, the common tale is probably of a man "stepping up" or just "persisting" in some way.

She
But here is what I think: For every story where a guy did that, I think he somehow tested the waters first while the woman just may have not been aware of it. I think that comes out later when you hear a couple talk about the relationship.

He
You are probably right. Sometimes "testing the waters" results in failure or just not enough feedback to go on, which then lends itself to the man having to decide whether to continue with a new "strategy" or to give space in hopes that feelings will change - to persist, in other words, or to just move on . . . Some individuals have much stronger wills - more emotional endurance - than others. That brings me back to wishing people were more direct at this stage of life.

She
Right? You make excellent points. Honestly, I think you men have the harder job.

He
For me, at least, I appreciate having the social expectation (power?) to make the initiative. Women can take the initiative, but the health of that is more debated - namely in churches. I struggle having to just wait on someone. I appreciate being able to work, have a sense of progress – real or imagined - in the meantime. Some women probably adopt that attitude. So, in summary, it is probably the same: both men and women have to wait in certain scenarios. Each has to harbor courage at some point. Each has to be vulnerable. Each has to take a step into the unknown, to walk along the precipice of utter failure while the path of meaningful transformation (i.e. life) winds ahead. Perhaps the nuances between the sexes are just different.

She
Well put! It is just good practice (I imagine) for dying to the self in marriage. It's still hard. It's still putting the other person first, but it may look different for the sexes.

He
Right. Perhaps much of the nuances are in needs, which though somewhat subjective for each individual in terms of priority, may have trends in gender terms. That is where most "relationship" texts seem to focus. I think that is partly why Friendlationships' more pragmatic tone was refreshing.

She
Now I can't wait to finish reading it.


*Add your thoughts to the conversation by posting a Comment below.